On Mommy Blogs and Innocence Lost

Maybe the "mommy bloggers" have it right.

I know, I've rolled my eyes here and elsewhere at their endless prattlings about every bowel movement, every teeny tiny little second of their child's lives chronicled in such relentless detail.  Sometimes I can't help but wonder how they actually OBSERVE what their children are doing since all their time seems to be spent at the computer noting it all down.

But what they are doing is keeping a record of the only important thing in this world. Life itself.....

The Friday after the London bombings  JR bumped her head hard on the floor--hard enough to be crying for quite some time afterwards. Now I try not to be alarmed by such incidents--especially since JR, fragile as she seems, is physically quite tough--but head injuries worry me. I found myself going into her room several times that night, checking her breathing, feeling relieved when she stirred and muttered a bit when I was in the room.

And watching her, the incredible FRAGILITY of life just overwhelmed me. The knowledge that this is my baby, my heart, and that I cannot protect her from the world!

I think that's what I envy about the Mommy bloggers. Somehow in their pink and blue,sugar and spice and everything nice  blogworlds they seem to be totally innocent of the outside world! The biggest concerns are colic--or a new outfit, or whether a social occasion is a success.

Four years ago this fall, September 11 took away any illusions  that I had true control over my children's safety. I sat on a neighbor's lawn on September 12 and watched my daughter playing with a friend. We could smell the smoke from the Pentagon and there, on that glorious fall day, all I wanted to do is take my family and flee to some remote place the terrorists would never ever think of targeting!

 A year later, I was watching my daughter walk into school during the DC sniper rampage, breathing safely only when she reached the school door each morning.  For those weeks, getting home safe each night was a major accomplishment. We lived in a war zone.

After all of that, I can't  just blog- blog about my kids. I can't pull the blankets around my head and pretend that the hate, that the violence, that the WRONGNESS doesn't exist!

And yet, at other times, I just need to rant about the Man, or rejoice over my children, or brag about my garden and share a recipe that I love.

Because it's those small everyday occurences that make life so damn precious. Too damn precious to let other people hurt it in the name of politics, or religion, or ANYTHING!

So sometimes the only thing I feel I can do for my children is to put my voice out there and rant on their behalf. Perhaps thinking that there's a point to doing so is as much an illusion as the bunnies and butterfly world of the mommy blogs. Probably no one is heeding my words. But it's makes me feel as if I am doing SOMETHING to keep my daughters, the beings that are at the core of my heart and soul, SAFE!

So I do. And I will.......................................................

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