BAD Reads
Thursday Thirteen #20: "Ein Bissele" About Bagels
THURSDAY THIRTEENI was slicing a bagel for JR the other morning and once again was befuddled by the idea of people having accidents slicing bagels. I mean, my family has always eaten bagels. My whole neighborhood ate bagels. And no one ever showed up with a bagel related injury.
So here, for your edification are:
You can find a pretty good history of the bagel here at Wikipedia that has that and other theories.
2)When I first came down to the DC area, there was a store called "Whatsa Bagel?" and it was a legitimate name. Bagels were scarce. Now bagels are everywhere--though most of them are not REAL bagels.
3) The average American bagel isn't much more than a bread donut, soft and pillowy.
Real bagels are tough and chewy.
4)Real bagels are tough and chewy because they are BOILED before they are baked.
5)When I was a kid, we'd often stop on Sunday mornings at the local bagel store on Jerome Avenue in the Bronx to buy a dozen bagels. They were warm from the oven and my mom would tear one bagel into pieces so we could all have a nosh.
6)Traditional bagel flavors are plain, onion and perhaps poppyseed.
Things like blueberry or jalapeno are goyishe kopf (gentile nonsense)
7)The traditional Jewish topping for a bagel is cream cheese and lox, which is simply smoked salmon.
Traditional lox is saltier than most other smoked salmons and was the cheaper kind offered in the supermarkets of my childhood. Nova Scotia style salmon was more expensive and less salty.Nowadays Nova is the standard you'll find in the supermarkets.
8)My grandma Esther must be rolling over in her grave at the idea of HAM on a bagel.
And adding cheese only adds insult to injury...
9)You CAN get good bagels outside of New York City, but it's not easy.
And the local water DEFINITELY has a bearing on the flavor!
11)Apparently, thousands of bagel cutting accidents happen each year from people who don't know how to correctly slice a bagel.
For this reason, there are a whole lot of gadgets for cutting bagels on the market such as:
(Some of these machines run $20 to $40. I kid you not.)
12) How to REALLY slice a bagel:
A)Put it flat on the counter or cutting board.Don't hold it in your hand. That alone will prevent most accidents!
B)Use a serrated edge (toothed) knife, NOT a big sharp blade. A small steak knife is fine.
C)You can either put the knife in and saw all around the bagel, while holding it down from the TOP or:
D)Cut it in half like a sandwich, turn the halves so they are resting on the cut ends. Hold it down from the tip and slice downwards.
Esse (eat) and enjoy. And I forgive you if you like the blueberry kind.
Because there's a certain little lady at my house that should know better, but doesn't.
Oy, the shame of it!!
13)Any place that calls itself a bagel bakery should offer you 13 for the price of 12--a baker's dozen.
After all, thirteen is a lucky number to Jews...........
And to anyone who does Thursday Thirteens!
